T5W#350-Top 5 Anime Perfect for Mystery Science Theater 3000

In 1988, comedian Joel Hodgson brought Mystery Science Theater 3000 into the world.  The premise is simple: a hapless hero (First Joel Robinson followed by Mike Nelson, Jonah Heston and Emily Conner) is sent into space via a pair of Mad Scientists, who then subject them to a series of “experiments” which involve the hero being forced to watch a series of bad movies in order to break their will.  The heroes get by with the help of a group of robot companions: Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo and Gypsy, who join them in “riffing” on the movies.  It’s a tried and true concept that endured for years, with the Hosts and Robots riffing on everything from PSA shorts to terrible scifi/horror productions and even some Japanese cinema like the Godzilla and Gamera films.  Which begs the question…why don’t we have something like this for Anime?  Honestly, it doesn’t even need to be squarely focused on bad Anime (though there is plenty of it).  All Anime can be equally subject to good riffing due to the excess and wacky visuals that can make anyone go “Huh?” or “Did that really just happen?”  So, why spend all this time opening with a history lesson on MST3K?  Well, I wanted to do something kind of big for my 350^th Top 5 Wednesday and my good friend, JMT-117 (who also got me into MST3K), suggested I pick my Top 5 Anime Perfect for Mystery Science Theater 3000.  And it just so happens, I do keep a score log for all the Anime I look at and I do have a sub listing for all the 1/10’s and 0/10’s I’ve looked at.  Be they a movie, series, or OVA, as long as it isn’t too long, it’s fair game for this landmark T5W.  So, turn down your lights where applicable and let’s see if we can get some good riffing material out of these 5 suckers.

 
#5-G Saviour

G Saviour is a title tailor made for MST3K to riff, hence why I’m starting with it before getting to actual Anime.  From the cheapness of its sets to the reused Starship Troopers costumes to the barely PS1 levels of bad CGI, everything about this movie is God awful.  It lacks heart, soul, anything that makes Gundam Gundam…so yeah, the best way to enjoy it is to riff the hell out of it.  In a way, this is the kind of movie MST3K can riff on the best, especially given G Saviours production value is so poor, it’s like you’re watching one of those rip off films from The Asylum (they do movies based on actual blockbusters i.e. Atlantic Rim/Pacific Rim). 

 
#4-Harlock Saga

Captain Harlock is often considered a legend in the wide multiverse of Anime.  But if you looked at Harlock Saga, you really wouldn’t believe that.  Not only is the story an underwhelming mess and the characters a total bore, but Harlock himself is barely featured in a title named after him.  And when he does get involved, he does absolutely nothing.  MST3K loves to rag on “protagonists” like this all the time.  I doubt theyd ever make fun of Harlock’s classic and iconic outfit…they would make fun of the fact that unless he actually does something cool, he isn’t really intimidating here.  Also I think theyd take issue with a certain pair of handsy trolls at one point in this OVA…now those two deserve no sympathy or mercy.

 
#3-Dragon Ball Z: The Movie-Bio Brolly

This is it folks, the absolute worst of the worst in the most iconic and world recognized Anime franchise of all time…so yeah it makes sense Goten and Trunks are the stars.  Piss jokes, fart jokes, a total bastardization of one of the most powerful baddies in all of DBZ, Bio Broly is everything that made me personally stop watching Dragon Ball Z for a little while.  So yes, I would gladly sit down to help write some riffs the rag on this one.  It wasn’t even a difficult choice to slot Bio Broly onto this list.  Sure the “10^th Anniversary” Dragon Ball title, Path to Power was pretty bad because it was basically a Dragon Ball GT movie.  But Bio Broly was the first title I ever looked at to get a 0/10…all I can say to that is “BOOOOO!!!!!!”
 
 
#2-Godzilla: The Planet Eater

One of MST3K’s most iconic moments is in it’s early season intros: the sight of Joel, Crow and Tom watching Godzilla gliding across the screen balanced on his tail from Godzilla vs. Megalon.  I wonder how theyd feel about a Godzilla movie that hardly has any Godzilla (hmmm…Godzilla 2014…) and squanders the promise of a Kaiju fight built up over three movies?  The Godzilla Anime Trilogy starts off badly and only gets worse, leading to The Planet Eaters inevitable 0/10.  I’m sure you could get a lot of jokes out of Godzilla slowly moving into battle position only to slowly try to hit something while we watch a rage filled hero constantly scream “I WILL KILL HIM!!!” right at Godzilla…and said hero doesn’t even make a blip on Godzilla’s radar, even when he makes a passionate kamikaze run at the big guy…just insert a fart sound when he strikes Godzilla and laugh at the absurdity.
 

#1-Final Fantasy: Legend of the Crystals

The portal to all things magical is housed in the butt of a short skirted Priestess…what more do you need really?  Well you could always talk about the poor production quality, the lackluster story and characters, the shoddy action and yeah did I mention this was Final Fantasy’s first foray into Anime?  Mercifully, this is OVA is only 4 episodes long so get together with your crew and prepare to launch jokes at every inappropriate or downright cringy moment of this historic level of badness from one of the most beloved and important Video Game sagas of all time.