If you thought coming up with a list of good Video Game
Film Adaptations was tough…the Worst is arguably tougher for the opposite
reason: there’s too many choices. From a
lack of understanding of the source material to massive studio interference to
Uwe Boll, bad Video Game movies are a dime a dozen it seems. While Sonic the Hedgehog might have a slim
chance at not making this list, his original, nightmare inducing design was
enough for many to condemn the movie right there and then. Still, I reserve judgement but it’s going to
have to be indrecibly bad to find its way onto todays list one day. Here are my choices for the Top 5 Worst Video
Game Film Adaptations.
#5-Max Payne
Max Payne is an action series with gun play and physics
inspired by The Matrix. The Movie…lacks
any of that cool factor and instead gives us a boring and highly cliché revenge
flick with a ton of wasted talent. Mark
Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Ludacris and Beau Bridges are a solid cast but cant do
anything to save this slough fest of boredom.
Some of the visuals are interesting but feel like they belong in the
Constantine movie more than here…hmmmm Mark Wahlberg and Keanu Reeves team up
to battle demons from Hell? Hollywood
GET ON THAT NOW!!!
#4-DOA: Dead or Alive
It’s no secret that while Dead or Alive is a solid
fighting game franchise. But let’s face
it, everyone knows it best for the harem of super sexy fighters you can choose
from. Clearly that’s what whoever sought
to make this movie focused on…and gets more wrong in the process as a
result. None of the leading ladies act
like their video game counterparts. The
action is bland and forgettable. I love
Eric Roberts and his impressive film resume but being the big bad using cheat
sunglasses to win fights? This is a run
of the mil dead end action flick that just happens to have the DOA name slapped
on to try and get attention…ignore it and just play the games instead.
#3-Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
The Resident Evil film franchise is pretty heavily
reviled in the gaming community and for good reason. While the first one was a solid flick (and
ended up on last weeks Top 5 Best Video Game Film Adaptations), making Milla
Jovovich’s Alice and her adventures the focus of the franchise was a
mistake. No one really cared about her
character and hated she was taking screentime away from other Resident Evil
mainstays who were basically afterthoughts.
Personally, I think of most of the film franchise as a guilty pleasure. I cant say the same for The Final Chapter,
where it looked like they ran out of steam right at the finish line and nothing
was able to wow me. I was actually
excited to see how this all wrapped up but damn, this just felt lazy and like
Paul W.S. Anderson and Milla Jovovich wanted to be done with this franchise
altogether so they could move on to bigger and better things.
#2-Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
The first Mortal Kombat is entertaining despite going
against everything that makes Mortal Kombat what it is. The second movie doesnt get that same pass
because it isn’t even halfway as competently made. The action feels more like a stage play than
actual fighting and the visual effects feel like they were cobbled together at
the last minute. There’s also the
overabundance of characters who don’t need to be present, the change of most of
the cast from the previous film. Oh and
the final battle between Liu Kang and Shao Kahn…God those Annimalities make the
original Clash of the Titans look like an actual masterpiece. This wasn’t a flawless victory and fans gave
it the ultimate fatality as a result.
#1-Super Mario Bros
Sigh…songs have been sung about this disaster. Classes have probably been taught about it’s
failing. Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo and
Dennis Hopper have all publicly trashed it (and it was probably the biggest
blight on Hoskins and Hoppers amazing careers before they both passed
away). What the heck was anybody
thinking giving the bright and colorful Mario Bros series a Dark Knight visual
aesthetic with bad comedy and a poor understanding of what makes a simple but
legendary Nintendo game fun? My question
is…this movie is so bad and failed so hard upon release…so why the hell are we
still getting so many bad Video Game Movie adaptations almost 30 years later? This was the low bar, the lowest point, why
is that bar only getting lower?
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