Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

They thought they’d won.  They thought the threat to Outworld was over.  They were wrong.  The villainous Emperor Shao Kahn has broken the rules of Mortal Kombat and launched an all out invasion of Earthrealm.  With only seven days until the merging of two worlds, Liu Kang and his surviving allies begin a desperate quest to stop Shao Kahn once and for all.  Along the way they’ll meet powerful new allies and enemies more dangerous than any they’ve faced before.  Mortal Kombat was just the beginning.  Now, they face Annihilation.

Coming out just over two years after the previous film, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation wants to top its predecessor in just about every aspect: bigger action, higher stakes, more characters, more homages to the games.  It basically wants to follow every single rule about movie sequels but lacks anything that made the first film at least a semi capable action flick.  And let’s be clear, I like the first Mortal Kombat, I really do, it’s a staple of my childhood but it isn’t the best for a number of obvious reasons (PG-13, wincing dialogue, little story).  But at least Mortal Kombat is a movie.  I have no idea what the hell Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is and honestly…neither does the movie itself.

Despite picking up from the cliffhanger at the end of the first movie, the signs are obvious were not gonna be in for the same ride or even a fun time.  Evil CG weather fills the skies while ninja descend from unfinished green screen effects and music I’d assume you’d find in an episode of Power Rangers plays (nah, too high a praise there, early Power Rangers music rocked).  Most glaring of all, even though the sequel was set and confirmed to be happening, only two actors from the first film return for Annihilation: Robin Shou as Liu Kang and Talisa Soto as Kitana.  Raiden, Sonya Blade and Johnny Cage all have different actors and none of them seem up to the challenge.  Hell, even Shou and Soto seem like they regret coming back.  We’ll talk about the other characters soon but let’s just say if the movie is showing signs of problems in the first sixty seconds, the rest of the 97 minute runtime wont be much better and it isn’t.

Annihilation feels like the wrong title for this movie.  Instead it should be Mortal Kombat: Fan Service.  While the first film made good use of the relatively small fighter roster from the first game, Annihilation tries to cram in everyone from Mortal Kombat 2-3 for pointless fight scenes and pointless cameos and even a couple of pointless returns of characters who should be dead but aren’t because theyre the most popular characters in the franchise (yeah, Sub Zero and Scorpion).  And forget everyone getting a moment to shine.  Some characters are dispatched in the silliest of ways while others appear, fight a little or share some crappy wisdom and then vanish without a trace or any other mention in the movie.    It doesn’t help matters further that MK’s biggest big bad, Shao Kahn, is so busy chewing the scenery with his overacting that he feels less and less like a legit threat.  The calm, quiet and pretty smooth tones of Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa’s voice as Shang Tsung are sorely missed, but I’m sure after he read the script even he refused to return for a pointless cameo (he does show up briefly in stock footage though).

With all these classic favorites popping up, you’d think that MKA would deliver on the action front. Well there is action, plenty of it…sometimes too much…there’s too much…enough to make even an action fan bored.  To make matters worse, the fighting is BORING!!!  Rather than being staged and shot in epic fashion like the first film, Annihilation’s fight scenes look like they were rehearsals for a Mortal Kombat stage and stunt show.  Too much wirework, none of the punches or kicks look like they have any real weight too them and, honestly, if you don’t care about the characters why would you care if they even survived these dismal brawls?  There’s an attempt to spice things up with more CG effects and homages to several special character moves from the games.  But the CG, as mentioned, is atrocious.  You know it’s bad when Robert Rodriguez, the man who basically perfected the craft of filming a movie in your backyard and garage with Spy Kids and Sin City can come up with way better visuals.  I will say this though, the Animality sequence is a work of cringe legends that must be seen to be believed. 

The first Mortal Kombat is a guilty pleasure, directed by a competent director and offers plenty of fun eye catching visuals and cool action to cement it as an action classic and a decent Live Action Video Game film.  Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is a less than half assed bargain bin student film that somehow doesn’t even feel worthy to be a Syfy Movie of the Week.  Crappy CG, lifeless fights, terrible performances and a non existent story, no amount of characters from a kick ass video game could save this film from being regarded as one of the Worst Movies Ever Made.  Also, take away the Mortal Kombat theme song…this movie doesn’t deserve it’s awesomeness.  If you do find yourself forced to watch Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, do it with a friend and riff the ever loving crap out of it.  Someone seriously thought this was a good movie being made, damn were they ever wrong.

0/10

Well…the bar’s been set pretty low for over 24 years.  Can a reboot with a new cast and an R rating show the world that a proper Mortal Kombat movie can be made?  Guess we’ll find out tomorrow when the new Mortal Kombat arrives right here at the Gundam Anime Corner…now cue the music, “MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!”