Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters

Millenia ago, the apocalypse came to Earth.  Monsters arose and spread across the planet before their King appeared and began to wipe out what was left.  The last of humanity fled to the stars for salvation.  To them, only 20 years have passed but their journey is growing more and more desperate.  With resources and hope dwindling, there is only one course of action: return to Earth.  Spearheaded by a hotblooded youth determined to win back the planet, humanity returns home to face the sole reason for their exodus.  But he has evolved, grown and is far more deadlier than he ever was before.  If Humanity is to see Earth restored, it must bring down the King of the Monsters, it must destroy Godzilla.

Godzilla has seen a bit of a resurgence in the last few years.  We’ve had a new American version which served as set up for a new monster inspired universe.  We’ve had his grander return in Japan (rightfully titled Godzilla: Resurgance or Shin Godzilla).  And while sequels are set for both of those iterations, it’s kind of surprising to think that, up until now, Godzilla’s presence in Anime hasn’t been what it should be.  Yeah you have shows like Neon Genesis Evangelion and Rahxephon with take cues and tropes from Godzilla movies and use them well.  But an actual Godzilla Anime feels like a no brainer. 

And so we get Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters…dear God why?

The premise holds the promise of a very different kind of Godzilla film.  The idea of Godzilla actually growing so powerful he kind of kicks humanity off world is scary.  Equally scary is seeing how bad things get once humanity is far enough in space.  Hope is a thing of the past and despair is everywhere.  So going back to take on the King of the Monsters is a desperate move but at the same time exciting, especially seeing the weaponry mankind is bringing with it.  But really, once “the Ark” (I’m calling it that cause it looks very much like The Ark from The 100) gets back to Earth, the movie begins to collapse on the weight of it’s premise and one very, very bad detail.

Haruo Sakaki is supposed to be the lead character we are all supposed to get behind.  He’s supposed to have drive, determination, a renewed sense of hope that will spark humanity to battle for it’s home.  Now take all of those qualities and throw them into a guy who is so obsessed with revenge on Godzilla as if the monster murdered his entire family line AND their ancestors from millions of years back.  The end result is…well a guy who is revenge and murder obsessed I think he’s pretty much forgotten what he’s supposed to be fighting for and is just obsessed with killing his white whale.  But where Ahab was complex and fascinating, Haruo is one note.  All lines he is scripted with are basically “KILL KILL KILL KILL” with a mix of “DAMN YOU” and “BASTARD” for good measure.  The rest of humankind and its alien allies aren’t much more memorable than he is.  In fact it’s astounding that they actually end up following Haruo on…hmmmmm how was it put in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou? Oh yeah, “I think it's criminal that Steve allowed this to happen, by which I mean illegal. We're being led on an illegal suicide mission by a selfish maniac.”  Yeah, I wanted the monsters to win…big time.

Actually, that leads to another good point.  For a movie titled “Planet of the Monsters” we only see one other kind of “monster” once the humans return to Earth.  Sure we get a ton in a short prologue flashback (I think we even see Rhodan at one point).  But post “After Earth” era planet Earth only has skeletal dragons flying around besides the big guy himself.  Where’s everything else?  Where’s Rhodan?  King Gidorah?  Something else other than…skeletal dragons (which would sound cool in literally anything else).  And what of Godzilla?  He looks menacing enough but he doesn’t really do much.  Then again, being shot at by annoying mechas led by a military maniac, id ignore everything too and just keep walking.  He does get a couple of cool new attacks but for the most part, yeah Godzilla isn’t really allowed to cut loose like he did in Shin Godzilla or the 2014 US Godzilla movie (which the latter is saying a lot since he was barely in that film as it was). 

The more I kept watching Planet of the Monsters, the more frustrated and angry I became.  Spending almost an hour of a 90minute feature getting to Godzilla and focusing on less than likeable human characters is unacceptable.  I’ve said a ton about Haruo being the leader, I don’t want to say more.  Worse for me is that this film was written by Gen Urobuchi, the writer behind Fate/Zero, Madoka Magica and Psycho Pass.  Sure the film tries to sound existential and profound at times but when your cast lacks any common sense and possesses a ton of faulty logic…well let’s put it this way, you know your movies done wrong when Haruo tries to give an impassionate speech and I just mute the TV and put on the “dramatic” speech Jean Claude Van Damme’s Guile spouts out in the Street Fighter movie cause it’s just as dumb but way more entertaining. 

By the time the end credits rolled on Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, I was at least happy that there was a good theme song to close out this rage fest.  I wasn’t a fan of the animation (even on Godzilla and the mecha) and I can see why this 3D Anime style has had a hard time catching on overall.  The story fell apart thanks to infuriating characters and beyond faulty logic (even at the end of the world, someone needs to have a working brain).  The action doesn’t excite and borders on tedious, especially when I don’t want any of the cast to survive.  And they expect this to be a trilogy of films?  It’s happening whether I like it or not but the King deserves far better than this. 

It’s funny, I just did a Top 5 on my list of worst titles ive reviewed here on the Anime Corner…well guess which title will be eligible for Part 2 of that list should it ever come to pass?  Do yourself a favor, skip Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters and check out Shin Godzilla instead.  I know I had to pop in the blu ray to wash the bad taste of this film out of my mouth.

3/10